tao-lin-in-this-blog has been hibernating. he did everything he’s been doing from his dreams.
you’re a dream of tao lin’s. what happens if he wakes up? i don’t know.
TAO LIN TAO LIN TAO LIN TAO LIN (waves)
noisy surface currents
i hope that if he wakes up he will act like sandy on spongebob pants^2
tao lin called this morning at 3am and left a message asking if i could get him some organic broccoli, a mountain of organic broccoli that he could burrow into to make a cave. i was working on a paper, but i got some broccoli for him after sleeping through class. i had to go to the walk-in refrigerator at the back of three grocery stores to get enough broccoli. there was also a special on pickled lotus roots so i got him some of those, too. together, those two foods don’t taste good but they look nice.
fish communicate with each other underwater using sound waves, but we don’t necessarily hear them because there’s a natural sound barrier in the upper layers of the ocean. in nature films you can’t really hear them because of the noisy scuba equipment. the fishbowl is soundproof, too.
people without ADHD are getting prescriptions for ADHD drugs because ADHD drugs increase your concentration and productivity. initially, i judged those people negatively, but maybe getting those prescriptions is like what drinking coffee is for other people. if you could take a pill during pregnancy that would guarantee that your child would not be shy would you do it?
scientists are mostly willing to say that vertebrates are consciousness. i think that insects could be conscious. who really knows. lately, we have been talking about consciousness in class, like why do we have consciousness? is it just an epiphenomenon? stimuli in our brain could probably be coordinated without consciousness… like if you were just a zombie with a secondary integrative process that regulated your primary integrative process. organisms can theoretically move away from a “bad” stimulus without having to be aware that it hurts. i like the idea of consciousness being a property of atoms / the universe in general, but just because i like it doesn’t mean that it’s true. i don’t know what that really means. new age.
i will saw a hole in your door is that okay it will be a tao lin ‘food not bombs’ hole no doorbell ringing necessary and no putting food in the wrong door i’ll fill the hole with grocery bags from whole foods it will look like corn smut is coming out of your door when food is not going through it you can just dive through the hole when you don’t feel like opening the door your friends can dive in except when you have the noose around it but they can still dive in except then you would end up with less friends and surprise visitors maybe and if someone got stuck in the hole i could just poke them in the perineum and they would tell you that your food was outside
today tao lin called and said that he “needed” me to fall into a “deep, dark hole.” i said uh okay. i don’t think for myself. so i went to a manhole in the middle of the street and hopped in. it was not deep or dark enough. it was noisy. i got out and walked around. i went into a movie theatre. the movies were playing so it was not dark enough, although i think it was deep enough. i didn’t want to wait. i went to the naval yard and followed a seaman into a submarine. he said who are you where is your uniform. i looked at him with wide eyes. when the hatch closed it was dark enough but not deep enough. women are not allowed on submarine boat trips. i feel bored right now. when they took me out i laid on the the dock. i looked at the waves. i called tao lin. he said okay. maybe he forgot that he had asked me to do something for him. or maybe not i don’t know. i brought him some water that the submarine had been in. it was in a container with a slanted, craggy bottom. you can make waves when you move the container from right to left and left to right at a slow frequency.
tao lin called to say that he wanted some organic strawberries. i bought some and then pressed sesame seeds onto them to make them have faces like this: :O , :[ , :T. in the movies, the parents like to serve their children cute pancake creations artfully decorated with strawberries and blueberries. in “real life,” we eat pancakes that are shaped like livers or a bowl full of cold cereal.
i hope you find your egg.
mothernature.com is having a 15% off of everything sale in honor of tao lin. use the money that you save to pre-order a tao lin collectible first edition t-shirt today –> http://reader-of-depressing-books.blogspot.com/.
today tao called and asked for “things that would make me look like a pirate.” i put in random shit and he said that tastes good. that line was about a raw green smoothie i made for him, even though pirates don’t drink green smoothies, maybe. they probably eat raw squid or each other or something. i put a red and white horizontal striped t-shirt in a bag. i took a black bikini top and cut one triangle off and put that in the bag, too. i went outside and found a colonial homo sapien. i didn’t put him in the bag. i stole his tri-cornered hat. he could not catch me because he was wearing 18th century shoes. i took everything to tao lin’s place. later, he said was this eye-patch a bikini top. i said no. he said i look like waldo from where’s waldo. i said grool. i don’t know why he needed that pirate stuff.
tao lin called today and said that he would like a hair from the head of the dalai lama. i said huh what do you need it for. i felt confused. he said you’re an intern don’t ask questions just do it thanks. it feels like he is not an author. it feels like he is secretly a zen master that is pretending to be a FAMOUS AUTHOR named tao lin [SEE T-SHIRT]. i thought this thing is going to take a long time to complete. i rode a bicycle to whole foods and bought a lot of organic red grapes. there were too many grapes. tao lin is a grape fiend. they kept plopping out on the way to tao lin’s place. grapes grapes grapes
i tried to put “tao lin” in the urban dictionary but the entry was cancelled before the editors could “review” it. i don’t know what that means. maybe it had to be one word like “taolin.” it would be funny if we put in words that sounded like tao lin like towelin, towlin, taolyn, daolin, etc., with different definitions for each “side” of tao lin.
did you know that dolphins and seals know when they don’t know?
these are by ellen frances : http://www.ellenfrancesidontlikeit.blogspot.com/
if you want to order one go to tao’s blog —>
today tao lin called and said that he has been working on a NEW NOVEL. [caps are mine] he said please bring food to fill up my fridge it’s almost empty. i said what kind of food would you like. he said organic vegan food you know. i said okay. i went to whole foods and forgot to bring recyclable grocery bags. half of the cost was for kombucha bottles. there are so many different kinds! i think it is originally russian? when you eat food with a lot of antioxidants your body says thank you and you need less sleep. you’re more efficient if you don’t have to sleep as much. i drove a carb-puffing hummer very fast in all lanes so that people would get out of my way my life is a big important emergency. i rang the doorbell and put the bags by the door and away ran i. i think i rang the correct doorbell but i’m not sure. i went home and laid on the one couch and stared at the ceiling and almost choked on cheap australian red wine.
yesterday and tomorrow tao lin calls and said that half of him is stuck here and half of him is stuck there. i say i know they call you the asian haruki murakami but this is silly. he says maybe but i was will be still stuck. i said what. so i called my dawg randy jackson and said “waaahsaaahp …doc??” and he said “homeslice that is so ten years and three score ago.” he sent KABA MODERN over. part of their dance prompt is to put together an interpretive dance of tao lin involving an underwater hamster. this will put tao lin back together again. i don’t know if they won. mario lopez will want to “host” tao lin.
did you know that bacteria help water coalesce into 85% of snowflakes? this bacteria can cause disease in tomato and bean plants.
tao lin can make it rain wherever he goes by throwing a cloud of tao lin bacteria into the air. shrines have been built on organic farms to honor “storm,” who is actually tao lin. tao lin bacteria feel compassionate towards tomato and bean plants. tao lin bacteria can often be found eating lignin at paper-making plants, reducing the need for toxic chemicals in the paper-making process. they also like to munch on millions-year-old-fuel spills near san francisco, which is also the site for their terces sretrauqdaeh.
tao lin was busy so he just called to say that his plants need re-potting.
we should thank tao lin bacteria. we should thank ourselves.
